Teen Mom star Farrah Abraham reveals that two years after she welcomed her baby and mourned the death of her daughter’s father, Derek Underwood, her grief and depression was overwhelming. “All I could think about,” she admits in an emotional interview with In Touch, “was killing myself.”
“I figured I would drown myself in the bathtub — that seemed like the easiest way to go,” Farrah tells the mag.
The young mom says she even imagined the note she might write for her daughter. “I pictured telling her that I missed her daddy, and that I felt overwhelmed by the changes in my life,” reveals Farrah, “and that she deserved the best and should be surrounded by happiness.”
In the year before her low point, she tried to numb the pain with excessive partying, drinking and drugs like cocaine and marijuana.
“When I drank, I’d be happy for 10 minutes,” says Farrah. “When I got high, I’d feel a sense of nothingness for about an hour. But in the end, my negative emotions always came rushing back.”
She was able to overcome her suicidal thoughts as she envisioned what Sophia would have to endure.
“I realized I was being selfish,” admits Farrah. “The most important thing is making sure that [Sophia’s] well taken care of — how am I going to do that if I’m dead?” says Farrah, who has written a memoir, My Teenage Dream Ended, out August 14 about her long road back from paralyzing sadness and substance abuse.
“Therapy helped me manage my emotions,” she shares. “I was diagnosed with clinical depression, so I truly needed medication and frequent sessions with a counselor to get back on track.”