Farrah Abraham: I Was Suicidal 2 Years Postpartum

Teen Mom star Farrah Abraham reveals that two years after she welcomed her baby and mourned the death of her daughter’s father, Derek Underwood, her grief and depression was overwhelming. “All I could think about,” she admits in an emotional interview with In Touch, “was killing myself.”

“I figured I would drown myself in the bathtub — that seemed like the easiest way to go,” Farrah tells the mag.

The young mom says she even imagined the note she might write for her daughter. “I pictured telling her that I missed her daddy, and that I felt overwhelmed by the changes in my life,” reveals Farrah, “and that she deserved the best and should be surrounded by happiness.”

In the year before her low point, she tried to numb the pain with excessive partying, drinking and drugs like cocaine and marijuana.

“When I drank, I’d be happy for 10 minutes,” says Farrah. “When I got high, I’d feel a sense of nothingness for about an hour. But in the end, my negative emotions always came rushing back.”

She was able to overcome her suicidal thoughts as she envisioned what Sophia would have to endure.

“I realized I was being selfish,” admits Farrah. “The most important thing is making sure that [Sophia’s] well taken care of — how am I going to do that if I’m dead?” says Farrah, who has written a memoir, My Teenage Dream Ended, out August 14 about her long road back from paralyzing sadness and substance abuse.

“Therapy helped me manage my emotions,” she shares. “I was diagnosed with clinical depression, so I truly needed medication and frequent sessions with a counselor to get back on track.”


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    • Tell me about it. Teen mom is the worst show ever since all these teen moms want to get pregnant again and do and don’t care about stopping another teen pregnancy.

      1.Maci Bookout at 19 years old wanted to have another baby. Asked her then boyfriend Kyle when they will have another baby because Maci is “bored”. Oh yeah that totally shows how hard being a teen mom is NOT. She wants to have another baby wtf as a teen.

      2.Leah Messer got pregnant again with her now husbands baby but it miscarried. No she did not have twins but she did have one baby. Her now husband admitted it. Why would her now husband lie about that? Even after twins she gets pregnant AGAIN.

      3. Catlyin and Tyler had unprotected sex after they gave up their daughter for adoption. Like damn you think they would learn the consequences of unprotected sex but it’s like it goes in one ear and out the next.

      I could go on but this is just too much!

    • you are not a nice person. I was 26 married for 4 years….not a teenager…post partum almost took my life. you’ll never know till your there…i’m now 46 and barely make it through each day….but my daughters happy and thats all i ever wanted. Glad you were not around when i was looking for answers

  1. please…..she genuinely appears to be a bad person. stop making excuses for yourself, it also kills me how she pats herself on the back every five minutes for being a good, yet she she seems to have one foot at the door constantly thinking about if she is going to leave her daughter with parents who she claim messed her up! poor kid

  2. oh and last night she may have said the dumbest line yet when she’s telling Sophia to stop getting into stuff in the bathroom as she gets ready for a date, “I’m trying to like let you be a toddler but you can’t handle it!” WTF??

  3. I am not Farrah fan but at least she IS with her kid alot, not like party girl Maci who is always out partying (the show only shows you what they want you to see)…Caitlynn, not even sure why they have them still on the show they are not even parents…and Amber well if you had a kid with Gary wouldnt you be depressed too? I give Farrah credit, she parents her kid, has her own place,does well in school…yeah shes snotty as hell, but she is a good mom.

    • The reason they still have Caitlynn on the show is obvious. But since it isn’t to you, here it is: They want to show what it’s like to go through an ADOPTION. After all It is a viable option that should be highlighted as such so that teens know what is out there/how it can work, etc. And you just contradicted yourself when you said the show only shows what they want you to see…you sure do have opinions of these people that you’re sure of…

      • Sorry, I agree with mee. I can’t figure out why they stil have Caitlin on the show either. She went through the adoption three years ago. There’s no way it’s still having an effect on her day to day life. Don’t get me wrong, I think Caitlin has a real chance to become a functioning, responsible member of society, but she’s not a “Teen Mom”.

        • Have you ever given a child up for adoption? I doubt there is a single day where she doesn’t think of carly or how the adoption changed her entire life. It will effect her for the rest of her life. She may not be a walking train wreck each day like I’m sure she was when she first placed her daughter in another families arms but she’s still figuring out how to handle the adoption as both her and carly get older. She will always been a teen mom. A teen mom who gave her daughter up for adoption so she could be sure she would have the best life possible. You may be ignorant to her situation but I’m sure there are thousands of other birth moms out there who enjoy seeing her and the choices she is making on the show.

          • Actually, I tend to think she looks around at the other teen mom’s and is glad she doesn’t have to deal with the issues they do because they kept their kids.

            I think the ignorant one is you because you believe that every “birth mother” is a selfless angel, when the reality is anything but.

            It’s fine that these two didn’t want to raise their kid, but please please please, stop putting them on a pedestal.

    • Maci shares custody with her sons father, so when he is with his dad she has every right to do what she wants. She doesn’t leave her kid with a sitter or her parents and go out.

  4. Which is exactly why Farrah should have chosen adoption for her daughter so quit giving her the “single teenage mom” pass. I don’t feel sorry for her at all because she is ultimately a selfish person.

        • actually, if you understood what i was trying to say – you would understand that i wasn’t actually saying you should put your children up for adoption. i was using your same logic to attempt to show you how close minded you are being.

  5. I sure hope what Farrah’s saying is true and not an excuse she created to justify being a terrible person and to play the whole “poor me” card.

    I agree that Farrah should’ve given the baby up for adoption. I understand that giving a child up for adoption is the hardest thing ever, but being a good parent means making sacrifices to give your child the ultimate best in life. Every child deserves the best of the best. Farrah chose to keep her child, because she’s selfish (as we all know) and didn’t want to go through the pain. Where did it get her? Depression. Sadly, Sophia is likely to repeat all of her mother’s behavior rather than being in a home with two loving parents who wanted nothing but a child to love and raise.
    I know Catelynn’s story is boring, but it gives a great perspective on the aftermath of an adoption. I do like that they reasure themselves with, “so glad Carley isn’t here to witness our unstable lives.” I wish more unstable parents had the strength to place their child for adoption.
    Maci is terribly overrated and it pisses me off that she’s a “teen mom idol.” She’s just as bad as the rest of them.
    Amber is just nuts! ’nuff said.

    • Alyssa – keeping her daughter and being a mother isn’t the sole reason Farrah was depressed. Her daughter’s father passed away. Her mother went out of her way to make her life hell. She had A LOT going on, that most adults wouldn’t deal well with.

      I think it’s so wrong of people to think they have the right to say someone should’ve put their child up for adoption. It’s not YOUR child OR your decision! She didn’t make that decision – why keep talking about adoption? It’s not gonna happen.

      Also – adoption isn’t always this wonderful thing. Yes, there are wonderful stories like Catelynn & Tyler, who give their baby up and the adoptive parents are wonderful and loving and the birth parents stay semi-involved, etc. That’s what everyone thinks of when they hear adoption. They don’t tell you about adoptive parents abusing their children, etc. Don’t get me wrong – I think adoption is a WONDERFUL thing. But it’s not all roses and butterflies. There’s bad and good. How does anyone know that Sophia would’ve went to a better family? How does anyone know that Farrah wouldn’t have been able to handle losing yet another person in her life? She might be spoiled, and not the perfect mother (no such thing), but there is no doubt in my mind that she loves sophia and is trying her hardest to give Sophia everything that Farrah clearly grew up without.

    • Alyssa – I agree with everything you just said, too bad there are so many selfish and sanctimonious people out there having children. And Amy, you’re a complete idiot to discourage adoption because of the “horror stories” which are FEW and FAR between. Couples have to jump through many hoops including but not limited to backround checks, home visits, interviews with them and the people in their lives, not to mention the thousands of dollars that are involved. You really need to get a clue. Perhaps you are thinking of foster care and mixing the two up? That was just such a stupid thing to say. You should be ashamed of yourself!

      • Actually, Mary – I am not a complete idiot just because you disagree with my statement. Did you not see the part where I stated that adoption is a wonderful thing? Clearly, you didn’t. I never said that every adoption ends badly, and I never said that every adoption ends wonderfully. I said that there is NO GUARANTEE that Sophia would’ve ended up in a better situation had she been put up for adoption.

        It blows my mind the way people will call each other “complete idiots”, etc just because they don’t agree with something someone said. This world is such a sad, negative place because of people thinking that way. It’s a shame.

        Also – just last night, I watched the news – there was a story about a little girl being beaten so badly, she was left unconscious. Who was the abuser? Her adoptive father. Guess what? He passed his backround check with FLYING colors. Does that mean that every adoptive child is going to end up in a similar situation? Absolutely not. But pretending that it doesn’t exist, is unrealistic.

  6. Does anyone stop and think that maybe she is so messed up, because of her mother, her childhood. I have a feeling it was a very cold and unloving childhood.

  7. She wouldn’t have to be in this situation at all if her mom had just let her have an abortion like she wanted to. Just saying.

  8. I can’t really stand her and her ways but I believe she is trying to be a better mum…she is full of anger because of her family environment, that’s clear!the Best thing she can do is trying to forgive and appreciate her life and her family, that is clearly trying to help her…it’s time to grow up

    • Are you kidding? You can give your child any last name you want. You don’t need his permission or for him to “legitimize” anything. You’ve obviously never had a child.

  9. She’s a bad person because she didn’t give her daughter the dad’s name? I guess I’m a bad person then too.

  10. Since she’s the one raising the child maybe she wanted her daughter to share the same name as her… Makes sense to me.

  11. It’s clear to me there is some kind of mental issues in this family. Farrah also acts like a victim of abuse, imo. The girl is extremely angry.

  12. This is the thing I’ve learned in life. You spend so much energy wasting your time on living your life in the past that you end up living your life with regrets. Life is so short so as crappy as a past as one may have had there has to be a point where you live and let go. You’ll find that you have way more energy when you stop focusing on those things. Trust me it’s not easy. To this day I still have to tell myself that from my own personal experiences with my own childhood.

    It is clear that Farrah won’t let go of her past. Her mom may be a difficult person to deal with but I think some people just have a crappy way of showing how much they love someone.
    We see how badly Caitlynn’s mother treated her over the years and we see how much of a mess her own mom is but Caitlynn and Tyler choose to make a better life for themselves then their parents made for them.
    And they are on this show because they were teen parents who went through one o the most difficult things in their life. They wanted to show what adoption can do to a family and a couple. Quite frankly I love Cate and Ty and I think when I see them its refreshing bc they are probably the 2 most mature 19 yr olds I have ever seen. They are showing the world, Hey we had a kid and we chose adoption and look how we are doing now.
    Farrah def needs to just learn to let go and focus on the good that is in her life. But she really has to start letting go of the anger. She may neer be able to forget things tha that have happened but she def can create a great wonderful life for her and Sophia without having all the negative drama intefere with her life choices.
    Although I’m not a fan of hers I do wish her the best for the future.

    • LMAOO!! Did you honestly just say Caytlin and Tyler are mature? They are not. Right after they gave their own flesh and blood Carly up for adoption they had unprotected sex again. Like seriously i have no idea how a woman who have up her child could be so dumb again and have unprotected sex does Caitlyn really not even care about her own daughter? She obviously is an awful person i would feel so terrible about giving away my daughter but then to have unprotected sex again to give another chance to give up your child for adoption again. How sick! When they were putting in that birth control thing up her you know in the doctors office. The doctor asked Caityln if she has unprotected sex and Caitlyn said no and then after she went home with Tyler. Tyler asked her why she lied. It’s like these two people just don’t get it through their head about anything.

      • Mature is doing what you need to do to raise your child. Mature is not handing off that responsibility to someone else.

  13. Farrah has some serious personality disorders, one being narcissism to the extreme!
    She is selfish and spoiled, and too in to herself to be a good mother. I feel very sorry
    for poor Sophia, she will always be in the shadows of her mother, and whatever drama she has blown up in her sick mind!

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