Mayim Bialik Shares Her Experience with ‘Mom Shaming’ from Her Fellow Mommies
In a time with so much emphasis on ‘girl power’ and ‘the future is female’ its shocking to think when you step into a mommy group with your newborn you wouldn’t feel supported by the others in attendance, it makes sense, you’re going through the same thing, the early stages of motherhood. Big Bang Theory actress Mayim Bialik, 42, says it’s the ‘norm’ within these groups.
Bialik who is a mother to sons Fredrick, 9, and Miles, 12 says when she was new at this motherhood thing she attended a mommy group to get support but left “in tears” because the competitiveness she witnessed between the other mothers was so upsetting.
In a video the actress posted on Facebook and Youtube, she detailed her negative experience, “I instantly felt out of place. I used cloth diapers, I didn’t use pacifiers or bottles. I didn’t have fancy clothes-neither did my baby-I didn’t have a manicure. I mean I barely had time to shower, how was I going to get a manicure?”
Mayim went on to explain, “women at this mom’s group were encouraged to brag. How fast their labor was, how precocious their babies were pooping, rolling over, sitting up, smiling…everything was a competition.”
‘These were not my people,” she assured her viewers “never went to any such mom’s group again.”
What is most shocking of these events that took place is what Mayim said next, “I would say it’s the norm. It’s a pattern of mothering and being which I’ve noticed is steadily increasing in my lifetime as a mom and as an empowered women.”
So in a time when women are supporting women more than ever why is this the norm? The actress has her own assumptions, “I think that competition comes about because we are the first generation of women who were raised after the revolutionary turmoil of the women’s movement, and we are the first generation who was constitutionally raised to believe that we can and should do it all.”
“But being raised this way actually prepares us best to compete in the workplace,” she then explained, “And so when this generation and removed ourselves from the career work, we took that competitive drive and we seem to have superimposed it on our lives as mothers. So it’s not enough to be a mom, you have to be the best mom.”
Bialik ended her talk by asking and hoping that mothers try to “find more meaningful things to connect about. We can only do this together-moms, are you with me?” she asked.